I’ll get to the point. I crashed at the Hawksnest Cyclocross race. Last lap (although I didn’t know it at the time), final descent, 50 yards from the finish. Lost my wheels in a gravel section and went down on the rocks. 5 sutures in my knee and 7 in my hip and a lot of missing skin and deep bruises on the right side of my body. I was in second to last place at the time of the crash and about to be lapped by the woman who finished second. What a bunch of shit.
It just caps the frustration of the last 18 months. I can’t seem to regain the fitness I had back then – a promotion at work, a new work schedule and more responsibilities have really hampered my training hours and it really shows. But, that doesn’t keep me from expecting more of myself. It only serves as a constant disappointment when I don’t finish well. Some cyclists are perpetually in shape. Even when they are “out of shape” they keep a pretty high level of fitness. My body, I have learned, does not work like that. I lose fitness easily and quickly. I gain weight easily, as well. My BMI, although at a healthy level, is quite high for a cyclist. My frustration goes all the way down to my team kit that doesn’t fit right because I’m 15 pounds too heavy to race right now. Looking like an idiot doesn’t exactly feed into the confidence needed to step to the line of a race you know your going to lose handily. Seriously, I’m the cyclist’s version of Erkle when I come to the line.
The bottom line is this: I have no business racing right now.
The bottom/bottom line is this: I’m gonna do it anyway. And I’m gonna take each ass whoopin like a woman. I’ll slowly learn how to race cyclocross. And I’ll get better. And I’ll be a better racer in the springtime because of it…fingers crossed.